Weekly Photoshop – 2009 Review

Hello hello, long time no speak. This week there’s no Photoshop theme in the Guardian, merely a collection of the year’s best entries. They’ve decided to not just use the weekly winners (not sure why) hence Emmanuel Eboue gets in from way back in January while October’s effort for Old Trafford Injury Time also makes it.

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My three personal favourites from this year are as follows:

3. Nicklas Bendtner (more for Ade as Ike Turner):

Nicklas may think he's "simply the best, better than all the rest" but sadly for him Ade is the Ike in this relationship.

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2. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (proving me wrong to be fair):

"Of course you can rely on me in the big games Pep." Zlatan's already epic nose suddenly seems to increase in size...

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1. Roy Keane (both entries):

There'll be none of this Tractor Boys business now Keane is in charge, it's manual labour all the way...

Mick McCarthy may have escaped Keane's clutches for now but he'll soon hunt him down.

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Hope you enjoyed them all, I’m going to try to spend more time on them next year. Alberto Aquilani is first up in the new year.

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T.

Challenge Lawro Update – Gameweeks 15-18

A quick update on our failing attempts to beat Mark Lawrenson at the predictions game.

Challenge Lawro Week 15 - Sportboy P brings the score down.

Week 16 - Sportboy P once again messes it up.

Our first perfect scores in ages that week. Sportboy P was unlucky in that the Sunderland, Spurs and Man Utd games had somewhat unexpected results.

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Lawro is too lazy to do midweek matches so week 17 was skipped. On to week 18.

Week 18 Predictions.

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An update on how we’re doing between us:

Sportboy T:

Correct Results: 29 (290 points)

Perfect Scores: 10 (300 points)

Wrong results: 39 (-390 points)

Total: 200 points

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Sportboy P:

Correct Results: 32 (320 points)

Perfect Scores: 4 (120 points)

Wrong results: 42 (-420 points)

Total: 20 points

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The scores say it all…

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T

Fantasy Premier League – Gameweek 17 Preview

A very quick one this week as the deadline is all of about four hours away. I had a decent points tally at the weekend as Drogba as captain and clean sheets from Birmingham based teams (i.e. them and Villa) led me to a nice score of 70 points. It’s all very tight at the top of our league and it’s now led by Sportboy P on 901 closely followed by yours truly on 895.

Three other players are within 16 points of the leader. One of them is not previous fantasy football king the Football Guy. He’s sixth at the mo, 100 points behind,  but much like Liverpool in real life I’m sure he’ll be in the top four at the end of it all. I’m quite glad I went with Drogba as captain and hope you ignored my advice to go for Lennon, Defoe or Giggs. The less said about that the better!

 

Gameweek 16 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Annoyingly for someone trying to do a quick post, there were joint high scorers at the weekend. This means our old friend Goose makes a reappearance.

Maverick approves of this week's and this season's Top Gun.

Goose didn't think he'd get another shot. Thanks Carlos.

Yep, Didier Drogba  and Carlitos Tevez both scored twice and got three bonus points for a total of 13 points. I’m giving the Maverick picture to Drogba, just for his super consistency this season. It’s his first one this season yet he’s top points scorer which shows you just how steady he’s been. He has double figures in six games this season and only two matches where he hasn’t contributed a goal, assist or bonus. Awesome. Elsewhere Paul Robinson and Ivan Klasnic both got 11 points and Ryan Shawcross ten.

 

Three Captain Choices:

1. Drogba/Chelsea – It’s no time for captain gambles with the gameweeks coming thick and fast. Top points scorer at home to Portsmouth? Yep, I’ll be having some of that. Chelsea need a win having gone two league games (and four in all) without one so I expect  a backlash, not least because Kaboul has got himself banned for Pompey.

2. Rooney/Man Utd - After a somewhat shock defeat against Aston Villa, Man Utd have a chance to put things right against Wolves. I don’t think they’ll do a Spurs so thus I’m backing Rooney to come with the goods.

3. Arshavin/Arsenal – Two goals in two games up front for Arsenal. Burnley is an interesting challenge – no longer in the form of the autumn but still tough to beat at Turf Moor. Arshavin is a slight doubt with a foot injury but has said he wants to play. At the moment he is the biggest difference maker at Arsenal.

Gets a Captain's tick.

 

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Bowyer/Birmingham – I never thought I’d be suggesting him here but he has been excellent in the past few weeks as Birmingham have gone on a seven game unbeaten run. The matchwinner in three of their last four games, with 34 points in that span. He’s cheap too at £5.1m and likely to get clean sheet points even if the goals stop.

2. Tevez/Man City – Becoming more and more of a factor at Eastlands and with his 13 point haul at the weekend is now the top performing Man City player this season. Three goals and eight bonus points in his last three matches and still has a nice price of just £8.3m.

3. Klasnic/Bolton – Has only played 90 minutes once so far but scored twice for Bolton at the weekend and looks to be an interesting option for a third striker given he has 29 points from just 423 minutes.

Might be worth a pick.

 

Three To Avoid:

1. Defoe/Spurs – Scores lots of goals in few games (Hull, Wigan) if you see what I mean. You just don’t know which games it will be. I prefer players who score less goals in more games. More reliable you see. Just ask all those who picked him as captain for the Wolves game. Happy with your 4 points? Nope, thought not.

2. Faye/Stoke – Doesn’t get as many goals or bonus as Shawcross but costs more than other defenders with similar scores. I’ll be cashing in for someone a little cheaper like Wilkinson (£3.9m) for Stoke’s upcoming double gameweek before bringing in another Birmingham defender. He’ll likely get the same number of points.

3. Adebayor/Man City – No longer Man City’s top points scorer and the fact he didn’t celebrate when Tevez scored suggests his diva ways may be resurfacing. There’s better value elsewhere.

T.

The Six Pointer – The new Fulham, Arsh power & more…

1. Amazing what effect a good old-fashioned rollicking can have on players. Arsenal were dreadful in the first half against Liverpool yesterday and were lucky to go into the break only 1-0 down. Torres should have buried what was essentially a one on one chance while Gerrard probably paid the price for his recent diving by not being awarded a penalty for a clear foul by Gallas in the box. As it happened Liverpool were gifted the lead after another error by Almunia, who flapped at a routine crossed free kick and palmed into Kuyt’s path to score.

It has been hinted that Wenger told his young charges “you’re not fit to wear the shirt” (something many of us Arsenal fans have thought in recent times) and it had the desired result, in part helped by Liverpool’s terrible second half. First Glen Johnson got his footing all wrong to score an own goal with Carragher slipping and Walcott lurking. Then within ten minutes Andrey Arshavin (who had done little until then) scored a great goal taking one touch to control, one to step past Glen Johnson and one to rifle the ball in the net before Reina even saw it. Another memorable Anfield moment for the little Russian who at that point had five goals from five shots in his two games in Liverpool (he would later ruin it with a shot that didn’t score!).

So tiny yet so much shooting power.

So where does this leave both teams? Arsenal look to be back in the title mix after everyone else around them dropped points and will be just three behind Chelsea if they win their game in hand against Bolton in January. Arshavin up front is working in the sense they have two straight wins but he was much quieter against Liverpool than Stoke. A striker is still needed in January.

Liverpool meanwhile are bereft of ideas, form and confidence. They are still only five points off a Champions League spot but it’s becoming more apparent that something is fundamentally wrong at Anfield.  I’m still unsure why Aquilani isn’t starting league games, especially when the first XI aren’t doing much. Gerrard is playing poorly and petulantly while I feel Torres isn’t at full fitness. I’m not convinced Rafa has lost the dressing room but I do think he has the resigned look of someone who already is just playing out the season. Life under Hicks and Gillett has become ridiculous and to be honest I’ll be surprised to see him at Anfield next year.

Something on your mind Rafa?

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2. No team with Champions League ambitions loses at home to Stoke and Wolves and doesn’t score in either game. As always with Spurs as soon as expectation rises, performances fall; which is ironic given that they play better against the big sides. Robbie Keane being captain is becoming an issue due to his poor play, as was obvious it would a year ago, while Defoe isn’t as consistent a scorer as Darren Bent – he’s only scored in six games compared to Bent’s nine. With no money to spend in January it will be interesting to see how Harry Redknapp does going forward.

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3. Any team which beats Liverpool, Chelsea and Man Utd certainly should have Champions League ambitions. Aston Villa got their first league win at Old Trafford in some 26 years and it was thoroughly deserved. Having been in a Champions League spot for two-thirds of last season before falling away, they looked better placed to stick it out this season.

Solid as a rock.

In Milner, Downing, Young and Agbonlahor they have a quartet of attacking players who can cause problems against any team; Agbonlahor in particular consistently scoring in big matches. At the back Richard Dunne proves every week that Mark Hughes made an error in selling him. A lot depends on whether the core players stay fit but of the pretenders for 4th, Villa look by the far the most impressive at the moment. They may even be aiming higher…

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4. Are Birmingham this season’s Fulham? The points they’re gaining with the few goals they’re scoring suggests so. Their fifth 1-0 victory this season has got them up to 24 points and eighth place. A far cry from the fools who thought they’d be going down this season.

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5. Somewhere in Milan a certain J. Mourinho must be laughing at Chelsea’s recent defensive problems. Who would have thought that a team with a least eight players over six-foot including a giant 6′6″ keeper would be so vulnerable on set pieces? Cech has been far below the heights (no pun intended) of 2004-06 and in recent weeks has made a number of errors. The problem with him being so far ahead of Hilario and Ross Turnbull is that you just have to hope he works his way through it. You have to think that Chelsea wouldn’t have conceded three if Essien was playing either. It’s too early to say if he’ll be badly missed, I would say the true test will be once Drogba is out too.

They conceded how many goals in one match?!

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6. Just five points from seven games for Sunderland. Portsmouth at home was about as good a game as you could have hoped for if you wanted to find some form. Maybe Steve Bruce needs a bit more time (read next season) to truly make them a contender for a Europa League spot.

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T.

Fantasy Premier League – Gameweek 16 Preview

A quick one this week but hopefully still with enough time before tomorrow’s transfer deadline. I had a decent week last weekend with a slightly above average score of 51 but lost ground on some of the people ahead of me.

However, of the three people ahead of me in our league, I’m only worried about Sportboy P and I gained a few points on him. I was a bit concerned that Rooney wasn’t going to do anything last week but thankfully he got a goal to justify my captain choice. Should really have gone with Richard Dunne though.

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Gameweek 15 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Maverick approves of Milner's increasingly influential performances.

Aston Villa’s James Milner top scores with a relatively low 14 points last week. He scored, assisted, kept a clean sheet and got three bonus points. He has been playing quite well in recent weeks and looks a much better fantasy option than Ashley Young right now.

Elsewhere only six other players got into double figures points wise. Hreidarsson and Larsson both got 13 points while Andrei Arshavin offered hope for the future with 11 points from his first game as central striker in Arsenal’s 4-3-3.

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Three Captain Choices:

1. Defoe or Lennon/Spurs - I personally think Defoe is a touch overrated as a consistent fantasy option this season – eight of his 12 goals have come in two games against crap teams. For me Darren Bent is a more reliable option week in week out. That said Spurs face Wolves at home and I can see a home victory by at least 3 goals. Spurs at home against useless teams usually means Defoe and Lennon fill their boots so you’d be wise to go with one of them as captain this week.

2. Giggs/Man Utd - The Welsh wizard has been in particularly good form recently and in his last three games has averaged 10 points through a goal, four assists and five bonus points. Man Utd face Aston Villa at the weekend and they haven’t lost to them at home since about 1995. Despite some struggles with injuries they should still beat Villa again. Failing Giggs, Rooney is also a good option with five in his last five against Martin O’Neill’s side.

3. Arshavin/Arsenal – What price the little Russian repeating his four goal Anfield haul of last season? Unlikely really but that’s not to say he won’t score. He played really well as striker against Stoke and he should find Carragher and Agger an easier challenge due to their lesser size. It’s a gamble but it could pay off with a goal or two.

Gets a Captain's tick.

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Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Milner/Aston Villa - As shown through this week’s Top Gun award, Milner is in pretty good nick right now. He has two goals, three assists and two man of the match awards in his last four games and is worth looking at despite Aston Villa’s relatively hard upcoming fixtures.

2. J. Cole/Chelsea – With Essien out injured, Chelsea’s midfield will get a bit of a reshuffle and we might start to see a bit more of Joe Cole now that Deco has been anonymous in Chelsea’s away defeats to both Aston Villa and Man City. Cole is a tricky one as he has the talent but injuries have stopped him being a reliable option. He can quite easily put in a goal and two assist performance in any give game and is worth keeping an eye, despite a high £9m price.

3. Sorenson/Stoke – This isn’t really a suggested transfer in, as he is highest selected goalkeeper already.  More  a suggestion to play him over whoever else you have. I have missed out on both his two recent penalty saves as well as 28 points in three games.

Might be worth a pick.

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Three to avoid:

1. Everton, Fulham, Stoke & Hull players – Not playing next week so bear that in mind when making transfers this week.

2. Essien & Mikel/Chelsea – The former is injured and then off to the African Nations Cup once he gets fit while the latter won’t do anything as his replacement.

3. Bullard/Hull – Out till the end of January.

Are you taking the mick?!

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T.

Weekly Photoshop – Liverpool’s Europa League Adventures

What happens when you get knocked out of the Champions League group stages? Come third and you get to spend the spring travelling around far-flung places in the Europa League. Last season even the likes of Spurs and Aston Villa decided this was more hassle than it was worth so goodness knows how Liverpool will react when they have a go. Their future adventures forms this week’s Guardian Photoshop theme.

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In the land of submarines, Captain Benítez and his crew sets sail to places unknown. Full speed ahead!

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The rest of this week’s gallery is here.

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T.

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Archive.

The Six Pointer – Pressure and focus, little Russians & more…

That was the weekend that was…

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1. So Man City powered their way to victory over Chelsea but it remains to be seen whether they just turn up for the big games. Mark Hughes will be glad to have won after seven straight draws especially as they had to come from behind to do it. I’m still dubious of the team spirit at Eastlands (any team with Adebayor in it can’t be that determined) but it was by far their best performance of the season.

Tevez looks like he’s finally contributing some goals but once more Given was the man who saved City’s skin with a penalty save from Frank Lampard. I think Hughes was chatting rubbish about the pressure Lampard was under (Compared to this? Really?) but Hughes chats a lot of rubbish a lot of the time.

In many ways the more focus on him the less focus on his under performing players, but the more his players under perform (this week aside) the more focus and scrutiny on Hughes.

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2. Typical Arsenal to show that you can spend all week worrying about how to attack against Stoke’s pair of 6′2″ centre-backs when you have no big strikers fit, yet 5′7″ Andrei Arshavin shows he can do the job instead. The little Russian regularly reveals his desire to play centrally at Arsenal and his wish was finally granted against Stoke. He was instrumental in the 2-0 win and could have had a hat trick if his first touch hadn’t deserted him a couple of times.

It will be interesting to see how Wenger goes forward. With Bendtner back quite soon there could be a switch back to 4-4-2 with the Dane and the Russian up front. Or more likely the 4-3-3 will stick but with Bendtner resuming his wide role of earlier this season while Arshavin continues up front in the middle.

Brains not brawn.

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3. Since their 9-1 demolition of Wigan, Spurs have gone on to draw their next two league games and also get knocked out of the Carling Cup. With at least one if not two Champions League places up for grabs due to the open nature of this season’s Premier League, Tottenham would do well to regain some consistency if they harbour dreams of filling one of the two spots.

When 2-0 up against a team with Everton’s injury problems, you should not be throwing that lead away. Even when given a chance to win it at the death, Jermaine Defoe contrived to miss a penalty (Keane wasn’t on the pitch). Points against Villa and Everton aren’t necessarily bad ones but it’s the manner in which they’ve been gained which will be of concern to Harry Redknapp. He of all people will know that a cushion needs to be built up ahead of the chasing teams. Especially when you consider at the business end of the season Tottenham have a three game consecutive run against Arsenal, Chelsea and Man Utd.

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4. When exactly does Rafa Benitez plan to give Alberto Aquilani his league debut? Given that he has presumably been fit for at least a cameo since his Carling Cup debut against Arsenal on 28th October, it seems strange that he has yet to make a league appearance. Surely when you’re drawing against Blackburn and not playing well, it would be a good time to bring him on?

That bench must be getting warm.../

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5. Bobby Zamora for England? I think not. He does get unfair press sometimes given that Emile Heskey is similarly a hard-working striker who can’t score for toffee yet is lauded as a World Cup certainty. However, Heskey has proven himself over 57 caps as a great partner for first Owen and now Rooney.

Zamora can chase lost causes all he wants but Capello will be choosing his World Cup forwards from a shortlist of: Rooney, Heskey, Defoe, Crouch, Bent, Agbonlahor and Cole. At least three players on that list can do everything Zamora does and more. The rest score goals, something the Fulham striker simply doesn’t do enough of.

"Shut your f-ing mouths!"

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6. Another so-so Man United performance (though convincing in the end), another win. The masters of winning with the minimum of fuss. Zola meanwhile deserves time – the man has no money to spend and a squad full of injuries. Interestingly for a team with the defensive nous of Steve Clarke as assistant manager, West Ham haven’t kept a clean sheet since August.

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T.

Challenge Lawro Update – Weeks 10-15

It’s been an absolute age since I updated Challenge Lawro. For those that can’t remember, we’re taking on ‘expert’ pundit Mark Lawrenson at the predictions game. Also playing is the Football Guy. 30 points for a perfect score, 10 for a correct result and -10 if you’re wrong. We made a good start but are now lagging behind. The shame…

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Challenge Lawro Week 10 - Very bad.

Challenge Lawro Week 11 - Not bad not good.

Challenge Lawro Week 12 - Bad.

Challenge Lawro Week 12 - Alright actually.

Challenge Lawro Week 14 - Quite bad again.

Challenge Lawro Week 15 - Here's hoping...

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For what it’s worth Sportboy P is slightly more responsible for our shitness as even though he gets less wrong and more right overall, I get more on the money.

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Sportboy T:

Correct Results: 24 (240 points)

Perfect Scores: 8 (240 points)

Wrong results: 36 (-360 points)

Total: 120 points

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Sportboy P:

Correct Results: 30 (300 points)

Perfect Scores: 4 (120 points)

Wrong results: 34 (-340 points)

Total: 80 points

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T.

Fantasy Premier League – Gameweek 15 Preview

Gameweek 15 comes around and if it goes half as well as gameweek 14 did I’ll be most pleased. It was one of those occasions where pretty much all the big decisions went right. I had Rooney as captain, Drogba partnering him, my transfer Shaun Wright-Phillips scored ten points and I got two clean sheets from Birmingham players.

That’s not too say everyone was good – my other six players got just seven points between them. However the four that scored big allowed me to catch right up in my league with a  total score of 76 points. 

 

Gameweek 14 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Maverick approves of Shrek's best performance of the season.

A Wayne Rooney hat-trick and three bonus points got him 17 points and the highest score of the week. I picked him as captain so was doubly happy. There weren’t too many other double figure scores floating around. Chris Eagles was next with 16 for one goal, two assists and three bonus vs West Ham while Ryan Giggs scored his 100th Premier League goal and set up Rooney a couple of times for 15 points. 

 

Three Captain Picks: 

Liverpool, Man Utd and Chelsea are all away from home this weekend which makes me a little wary of picking any of their players as captain.

1. Fabregas or Arshavin/Arsenal – For all the talk of 100+ goals a few weeks ago, Arsenal have now failed to score in the league since Robin van Persie got injured. Admittedly they were difficult games at Sunderland and against Chelsea at home but it is a concern. I think they’ll hit the net on Saturday as for all their strength, Stoke are pretty poor away from the Britannia. None of the strikers available (Eduardo & Vela) are particularly inspiring right now so it’s left to either Fabregas or Arshavin to do the damage.

2. Lennon or Defoe/Spurs - With every passing week Everton seem to lose someone to injury. Their squad is really thin at the mo and is full of youngsters. Tottenham’s recent record against Everton is pretty good so either Lennon or Defoe are a fair shout to do something.

3. Agbonlahor/Aston Villa - Hull have picked up since Bullard has returned from injury but I think their mini run will end against Aston Villa. Agbonlahor has been in pretty consistent form this season and his space should cause plenty of problems for the Hull defence.

Get's a captain's tick.

 

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Chelsea defenders - Have quietly put together five straight clean sheets and will no doubt get many more before the season is out. Their back five is pretty pricey but Ivanovic can be had for £5.7m still while you could perhaps invest in Cech as one your keepers if you’re feeling extravagant.

2. Birmingham defenders – Can’t afford the Blues’ defenders then why not go for the Blues’ defenders instead. Yes, by slightly changing the shade of blue you go for, plenty of clean sheet points can still come your way at a price to match. Birmingham now have six clean sheets (behind Chelsea’s nine) for the season, and considering they never get thrashed when they do concede makes having at least two if not three of them very worthwhile.

3. Giggs/Man Utd - His two assists last week brought him up to nine for the season and while he does miss a game a month, he does enough in the others to warrant having. At £7.3m he’s a bargain and consistently produces in the tricky fixtures when Man Utd are off form.

Might be worth a pick.

 

Three To Avoid:

1. Man City players - They’ve officially reached unreliable status after their failure to beat Hull at home meaning seven successive draws. I apologise for suggesting to go with Adebayor as captain last week – that was about as successful as a Tiger Woods trying to get away with an affair. They are still worth having in your team (attacking players at least) but just don’t think of making them captain.

2. Collins/Aston Villa - Has missed the last three weeks and is still doubtful for this one. He was a good option for a while but is now worth getting rid of as he’s in that price bracket which neither cheap enough to save elsewhere nor expensive enough to guarantee points.

3. Stoke players – Specifically Fuller, Huth, Shawcross and Whelan who are all on four yellows thus likely to be missing a game sometime soon.

Are you taking the mick?!

T.

Weekly Photoshop – Roberto Martinez

Wigan’s manager is the theme this week following their 9-1 drubbing at Tottenham. Not much you can do when short on time and internet access, hence the basic effort below. Something better next week, promise.

Someone had to make the bumbling Spanish waiter joke. Sorry.

More here.

T.

Archive.