Shakhtar Donetsk vs Tottenham Live Minute by Minute!

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Live UEFA Cup action as Ukraine’s finest take on London’s finest, north London’s finest, N17’s finest (just about).

Pre-amble

Spurs play a weakened side as they try to get knocked out so they can concentrate on surviving in the Premier League. Harry’s been moaning (as usual) about having six matches in seventeen days. The price of success hey? We are only at the last 32 stage here. The winners get to play Aston Villa or CSKA Moscow.

Teams:

Shakhtar: Pyatov, Srna, Chigrinsky, Ischenko, Rat, Jadson, Fernandinho, Lewandowski, Willian, Ilsinho, Gladkyy.
Subs: Khudzamov, Fedetskiy, Shevchuk, Duljaj, Seleznyov, Luiz Adriano, Chyzhov.

Spurs: Gomes, Gunter, Huddlestone, Dawson, Chimbonda, Jenas, Zokora, Parrett, Bentley, Giovani, Campbell.
Subs: Jansson, Gilberto, Smith, Bostock, Mason, Obika, Bent.

 

Bent is on the bench and Dean Parrett makes his full debut. Keane was signed too late to play. Croatia star Dario Srna plays for Shakhtar.

Kevin Ratcliffe (who has never played for Spurs) and Tony Jones provide the commentary for Channel 5. Their budget must be pretty low. Either that or no one good could be bothered to travel to the Ukraine. Everything about this match screams low budget and can’t be arsed. The analysis (we have Colin Murray anchoring), the kick off time, the teams, this minute by minute… 

Spurs have a pre match huddle – “Come on boys let’s just stay like this so we keep warm.”

Spurs huddle, (San Antonio) Spurs huddle, Spurs' Huddle(stone)

Spurs huddle, (San Antonio) Spurs huddle, Spurs' Huddle(stone)

 

1 min: Spurs kick off.

2 mins: Lots of strange lines on the pitch, some kind of protection from the -7 degree temperature.

5 mins: The ball flicks off Parrett in the box. A snap shot from Jadson goes wide.

7 mins: Nothing really happening so far. Shakhtar have quite a cool orange shirt.

Day glow

Day glow

8 mins: Jenas stick out his leg on Fernandinho and gives away a free kick.

9 mins: Srna hits it straight in the wall.

10 mins: A deep crossfield ball finds Rat-a-tat-tat, whose first time volley flashes wide.

12 mins: Bentley. Cross. Overhit. I may need a keyboard shortcut for that sentence I think.

15 mins: Chimbonda fouls Fernandinhho. The free kick comes in and causes some confusion. Suspicions of a Parrett handball.

18 mins: Spurs have a decent spell of possession.

19 mins: This leads to Bentley finding some space. Cross. Dealt with easily. I don’t really understand why he’s regressed so much this season. Perhaps he should spend less time kicking footballs off rooftops and more time practising his crossing.

21 mins: Shakhtar completely in control here.

26 mins: Gladkyy wastes a great chance. A deep cross comes in and he chests it down whilst going past Chimbonda at the same time. He then fluffs his lines completely slicing away from goal when standing on the edge of the six yard box.

27 mins: Another great chance. A low cross from the right byline flashes across the face of the goal but no Donetsk player can get their foot to it to poke it in.

31 mins: I’ve just noticed Chimbonda is wearing 97 on his shirt! I know squads are big these days but seriously.

Yep, that's 97.

Yep, that's 97.

32 mins: Giovanni has Tottenham’s first attempt of the game. A close one too! He’s on the left hand side of the box almost by the byline and decides to shoot at goal despite having no angle. His curling effort clips the outside of the post. The keeper was struggling.

34 mins: Ilsinho carries the ball forward, waits an age and shoots at Dawson.

40 mins: Bentley lines up a free kick. Straight at the keeper. Rat gets booked for encroaching so Ratface Bentley gets another shot at passing it straight to Pyatov.

41 mins: Bentley takes it again. He surpasses himself and hit it straight at the wall. So predictable.

43 mins: Rat hits a decent shot but Gomes saves comfortably.

44 mins: Ping pong football in the Spurs box but it’s eventually cleared.

Half time: The ref blows his whistle right on 45 mins. He must want his half time cuppa. Or maybe something stronger. I may go the same way as the ref, it’s been that sort of scrappy game.

Shakhtar have dominated really bar one Giovanni shot for Spurs. Bentley has been justifying his reputation as second choice Tottenham right winger. Stanley Victor Collymore is providing some good analysis (as is Pat Nevin), it’s just a shame Colin Murray is making stupid points. 

 

46 mins: Shakhtar kick off the second half.

48 mins: A great chance for Shakhtar. William has time in the box. He controls and shoots across goal with his let foot but Ilsinho can’t quite get to it and it goes wide.

51 mins: Pyatov races out of his goal to clear a ball, makes a mess of it, but the onrushing Jenas can’t guide it into the empty net. Three defenders crowd him out and clear. 

55 mins: Spurs showing a bit more attacking ambition at the start of the second half. Darren Bent is warming up. I imagine he’ll come on for Frazier Campbell who’s been a little anonymous thus far.

58 mins: Nothing to report at the mo. I just sipped some tea if you’re interested.

60 mins: Dawson gives away a soft free kick about 30 yards out. Fernandinho belts it at some pace but it deflects over.

61 mins: The resulting corner comes to nothing.

65 mins: Spurs are pretty solid at the mo, and are doing a good job of frustrating the home side. The crows are starting to whistle loudly.

68 mins: Some changes are afoot. No not an sudden spell of good football but some substitutions. Ilsinho off, Luiz Adriano on for Shakhtar. Ilsinho goes straight down the tunnel. I imagine this is more because he’s cold and wants a shower rather than being annoyed at coming off. Bent coming on for Giovanni.

72 mins: A half chance for Spurs. Sort of. The ball falls to Parrett in the box and he tries to lift it back central over the oncoming keeper. He doesn’t though.

73 mins: Gomes annoys ‘Arry with some sloppy, rushed distribution. Spurs annoy me with some sloppy, boring football.

77 mins: A Spurs break see them three on two and bearing down on the Shakhtar goal. Parrett plays in Bent but the ball is just knicked from his feet by Ischenko.

78 mins: GOAL! Shakhtar 1-0 Tottenham! Donetsk make a change with Gladkiy off, Seleznov on. Jadson swings in a teasing free kick and with his first touch Seleznov heads it in. Brilliant substitution! Gomes came and missed and nearly knocked himself out in the process while the centre-backs were nowhere to be seen. Comedy from the Spurs keeper

gomes-sad

Yet another blunder...

81 mins: Gomes is treated for a few minutes but eventually is alright to continue.

84 mins: Shakhtar press for a second. Spurs resorting to long balls. 

88 mins: GOAL! Shakhtar 2-0 Tottenham! Jadson scores a lovey second goal but once again terrible defending by Spurs. He has the ball on the right hand side of the pitch starts to dribble infield, dribbles a bit more, plays a nice one two with William, dribbles some more until he is past the penalty spot, then shoots across Gomes, wrongfooting everyone and scoring. No challenge forthcoming, so he ran and ran and picked his spot. Harry not pleased with that. I am though…

89 mins: Bostock on for Parrett.

Full time: Shakhtar 2-0 Tottenham! A little bit of effort on Spurs’ part to try and snatch an away goal but Shakhtar close it out. They fully deserved this victory, Tottenham were woeful and created nothing at all. Donetsk on the other hand kept testing the Spurs defence with teasing crosses and eventually found a way through. Jadson then showed what happens when your ‘defensive’ midfielder is Jermaine Jenas as he waltzed past about six Tottenham players who decided it wasn’t worth trying to tackle him and slotted a lovely shot into the corner. I’m glad this finished early, I’m off to watch Masterchef.

 

T.

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