Hello hello, long time no speak. This week there’s no Photoshop theme in the Guardian, merely a collection of the year’s best entries. They’ve decided to not just use the weekly winners (not sure why) hence Emmanuel Eboue gets in from way back in January while October’s effort for Old Trafford Injury Time also makes it.

.

My three personal favourites from this year are as follows:

3. Nicklas Bendtner (more for Ade as Ike Turner):

Nicklas may think he's "simply the best, better than all the rest" but sadly for him Ade is the Ike in this relationship.

.

2. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (proving me wrong to be fair):

"Of course you can rely on me in the big games Pep." Zlatan's already epic nose suddenly seems to increase in size...

.

1. Roy Keane (both entries):

There'll be none of this Tractor Boys business now Keane is in charge, it's manual labour all the way...

Mick McCarthy may have escaped Keane's clutches for now but he'll soon hunt him down.

.

Hope you enjoyed them all, I’m going to try to spend more time on them next year. Alberto Aquilani is first up in the new year.

.

T.

A quick update on our failing attempts to beat Mark Lawrenson at the predictions game.

Challenge Lawro Week 15 - Sportboy P brings the score down.

Week 16 - Sportboy P once again messes it up.

Our first perfect scores in ages that week. Sportboy P was unlucky in that the Sunderland, Spurs and Man Utd games had somewhat unexpected results.

.

Lawro is too lazy to do midweek matches so week 17 was skipped. On to week 18.

Week 18 Predictions.

.

An update on how we’re doing between us:

Sportboy T:

Correct Results: 29 (290 points)

Perfect Scores: 10 (300 points)

Wrong results: 39 (-390 points)

Total: 200 points

.

Sportboy P:

Correct Results: 32 (320 points)

Perfect Scores: 4 (120 points)

Wrong results: 42 (-420 points)

Total: 20 points

.

The scores say it all…

.

T

A very quick one this week as the deadline is all of about four hours away. I had a decent points tally at the weekend as Drogba as captain and clean sheets from Birmingham based teams (i.e. them and Villa) led me to a nice score of 70 points. It’s all very tight at the top of our league and it’s now led by Sportboy P on 901 closely followed by yours truly on 895.

Three other players are within 16 points of the leader. One of them is not previous fantasy football king the Football Guy. He’s sixth at the mo, 100 points behind,  but much like Liverpool in real life I’m sure he’ll be in the top four at the end of it all. I’m quite glad I went with Drogba as captain and hope you ignored my advice to go for Lennon, Defoe or Giggs. The less said about that the better!

Gameweek 16 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Annoyingly for someone trying to do a quick post, there were joint high scorers at the weekend. This means our old friend Goose makes a reappearance.

Maverick approves of this week's and this season's Top Gun.

Goose didn't think he'd get another shot. Thanks Carlos.

Yep, Didier Drogba  and Carlitos Tevez both scored twice and got three bonus points for a total of 13 points. I’m giving the Maverick picture to Drogba, just for his super consistency this season. It’s his first one this season yet he’s top points scorer which shows you just how steady he’s been. He has double figures in six games this season and only two matches where he hasn’t contributed a goal, assist or bonus. Awesome. Elsewhere Paul Robinson and Ivan Klasnic both got 11 points and Ryan Shawcross ten.

Three Captain Choices:

1. Drogba/Chelsea – It’s no time for captain gambles with the gameweeks coming thick and fast. Top points scorer at home to Portsmouth? Yep, I’ll be having some of that. Chelsea need a win having gone two league games (and four in all) without one so I expect  a backlash, not least because Kaboul has got himself banned for Pompey.

2. Rooney/Man Utd - After a somewhat shock defeat against Aston Villa, Man Utd have a chance to put things right against Wolves. I don’t think they’ll do a Spurs so thus I’m backing Rooney to come with the goods.

3. Arshavin/Arsenal – Two goals in two games up front for Arsenal. Burnley is an interesting challenge – no longer in the form of the autumn but still tough to beat at Turf Moor. Arshavin is a slight doubt with a foot injury but has said he wants to play. At the moment he is the biggest difference maker at Arsenal.

Gets a Captain's tick.

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Bowyer/Birmingham – I never thought I’d be suggesting him here but he has been excellent in the past few weeks as Birmingham have gone on a seven game unbeaten run. The matchwinner in three of their last four games, with 34 points in that span. He’s cheap too at £5.1m and likely to get clean sheet points even if the goals stop.

2. Tevez/Man City – Becoming more and more of a factor at Eastlands and with his 13 point haul at the weekend is now the top performing Man City player this season. Three goals and eight bonus points in his last three matches and still has a nice price of just £8.3m.

3. Klasnic/Bolton – Has only played 90 minutes once so far but scored twice for Bolton at the weekend and looks to be an interesting option for a third striker given he has 29 points from just 423 minutes.

Might be worth a pick.

Three To Avoid:

1. Defoe/Spurs – Scores lots of goals in few games (Hull, Wigan) if you see what I mean. You just don’t know which games it will be. I prefer players who score less goals in more games. More reliable you see. Just ask all those who picked him as captain for the Wolves game. Happy with your 4 points? Nope, thought not.

2. Faye/Stoke – Doesn’t get as many goals or bonus as Shawcross but costs more than other defenders with similar scores. I’ll be cashing in for someone a little cheaper like Wilkinson (£3.9m) for Stoke’s upcoming double gameweek before bringing in another Birmingham defender. He’ll likely get the same number of points.

3. Adebayor/Man City – No longer Man City’s top points scorer and the fact he didn’t celebrate when Tevez scored suggests his diva ways may be resurfacing. There’s better value elsewhere.

T.

1. Amazing what effect a good old-fashioned rollicking can have on players. Arsenal were dreadful in the first half against Liverpool yesterday and were lucky to go into the break only 1-0 down. Torres should have buried what was essentially a one on one chance while Gerrard probably paid the price for his recent diving by not being awarded a penalty for a clear foul by Gallas in the box. As it happened Liverpool were gifted the lead after another error by Almunia, who flapped at a routine crossed free kick and palmed into Kuyt’s path to score.

It has been hinted that Wenger told his young charges “you’re not fit to wear the shirt” (something many of us Arsenal fans have thought in recent times) and it had the desired result, in part helped by Liverpool’s terrible second half. First Glen Johnson got his footing all wrong to score an own goal with Carragher slipping and Walcott lurking. Then within ten minutes Andrey Arshavin (who had done little until then) scored a great goal taking one touch to control, one to step past Glen Johnson and one to rifle the ball in the net before Reina even saw it. Another memorable Anfield moment for the little Russian who at that point had five goals from five shots in his two games in Liverpool (he would later ruin it with a shot that didn’t score!).

So tiny yet so much shooting power.

So where does this leave both teams? Arsenal look to be back in the title mix after everyone else around them dropped points and will be just three behind Chelsea if they win their game in hand against Bolton in January. Arshavin up front is working in the sense they have two straight wins but he was much quieter against Liverpool than Stoke. A striker is still needed in January.

Liverpool meanwhile are bereft of ideas, form and confidence. They are still only five points off a Champions League spot but it’s becoming more apparent that something is fundamentally wrong at Anfield.  I’m still unsure why Aquilani isn’t starting league games, especially when the first XI aren’t doing much. Gerrard is playing poorly and petulantly while I feel Torres isn’t at full fitness. I’m not convinced Rafa has lost the dressing room but I do think he has the resigned look of someone who already is just playing out the season. Life under Hicks and Gillett has become ridiculous and to be honest I’ll be surprised to see him at Anfield next year.

Something on your mind Rafa?

.

2. No team with Champions League ambitions loses at home to Stoke and Wolves and doesn’t score in either game. As always with Spurs as soon as expectation rises, performances fall; which is ironic given that they play better against the big sides. Robbie Keane being captain is becoming an issue due to his poor play, as was obvious it would a year ago, while Defoe isn’t as consistent a scorer as Darren Bent – he’s only scored in six games compared to Bent’s nine. With no money to spend in January it will be interesting to see how Harry Redknapp does going forward.

.

3. Any team which beats Liverpool, Chelsea and Man Utd certainly should have Champions League ambitions. Aston Villa got their first league win at Old Trafford in some 26 years and it was thoroughly deserved. Having been in a Champions League spot for two-thirds of last season before falling away, they looked better placed to stick it out this season.

Solid as a rock.

In Milner, Downing, Young and Agbonlahor they have a quartet of attacking players who can cause problems against any team; Agbonlahor in particular consistently scoring in big matches. At the back Richard Dunne proves every week that Mark Hughes made an error in selling him. A lot depends on whether the core players stay fit but of the pretenders for 4th, Villa look by the far the most impressive at the moment. They may even be aiming higher…

.

4. Are Birmingham this season’s Fulham? The points they’re gaining with the few goals they’re scoring suggests so. Their fifth 1-0 victory this season has got them up to 24 points and eighth place. A far cry from the fools who thought they’d be going down this season.

.

5. Somewhere in Milan a certain J. Mourinho must be laughing at Chelsea’s recent defensive problems. Who would have thought that a team with a least eight players over six-foot including a giant 6′6″ keeper would be so vulnerable on set pieces? Cech has been far below the heights (no pun intended) of 2004-06 and in recent weeks has made a number of errors. The problem with him being so far ahead of Hilario and Ross Turnbull is that you just have to hope he works his way through it. You have to think that Chelsea wouldn’t have conceded three if Essien was playing either. It’s too early to say if he’ll be badly missed, I would say the true test will be once Drogba is out too.

They conceded how many goals in one match?!

.

6. Just five points from seven games for Sunderland. Portsmouth at home was about as good a game as you could have hoped for if you wanted to find some form. Maybe Steve Bruce needs a bit more time (read next season) to truly make them a contender for a Europa League spot.

.

T.

A quick one this week but hopefully still with enough time before tomorrow’s transfer deadline. I had a decent week last weekend with a slightly above average score of 51 but lost ground on some of the people ahead of me.

However, of the three people ahead of me in our league, I’m only worried about Sportboy P and I gained a few points on him. I was a bit concerned that Rooney wasn’t going to do anything last week but thankfully he got a goal to justify my captain choice. Should really have gone with Richard Dunne though.

.

Gameweek 15 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Maverick approves of Milner's increasingly influential performances.

Aston Villa’s James Milner top scores with a relatively low 14 points last week. He scored, assisted, kept a clean sheet and got three bonus points. He has been playing quite well in recent weeks and looks a much better fantasy option than Ashley Young right now.

Elsewhere only six other players got into double figures points wise. Hreidarsson and Larsson both got 13 points while Andrei Arshavin offered hope for the future with 11 points from his first game as central striker in Arsenal’s 4-3-3.

.

Three Captain Choices:

1. Defoe or Lennon/Spurs - I personally think Defoe is a touch overrated as a consistent fantasy option this season – eight of his 12 goals have come in two games against crap teams. For me Darren Bent is a more reliable option week in week out. That said Spurs face Wolves at home and I can see a home victory by at least 3 goals. Spurs at home against useless teams usually means Defoe and Lennon fill their boots so you’d be wise to go with one of them as captain this week.

2. Giggs/Man Utd - The Welsh wizard has been in particularly good form recently and in his last three games has averaged 10 points through a goal, four assists and five bonus points. Man Utd face Aston Villa at the weekend and they haven’t lost to them at home since about 1995. Despite some struggles with injuries they should still beat Villa again. Failing Giggs, Rooney is also a good option with five in his last five against Martin O’Neill’s side.

3. Arshavin/Arsenal – What price the little Russian repeating his four goal Anfield haul of last season? Unlikely really but that’s not to say he won’t score. He played really well as striker against Stoke and he should find Carragher and Agger an easier challenge due to their lesser size. It’s a gamble but it could pay off with a goal or two.

Gets a Captain's tick.

.

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Milner/Aston Villa - As shown through this week’s Top Gun award, Milner is in pretty good nick right now. He has two goals, three assists and two man of the match awards in his last four games and is worth looking at despite Aston Villa’s relatively hard upcoming fixtures.

2. J. Cole/Chelsea – With Essien out injured, Chelsea’s midfield will get a bit of a reshuffle and we might start to see a bit more of Joe Cole now that Deco has been anonymous in Chelsea’s away defeats to both Aston Villa and Man City. Cole is a tricky one as he has the talent but injuries have stopped him being a reliable option. He can quite easily put in a goal and two assist performance in any give game and is worth keeping an eye, despite a high £9m price.

3. Sorenson/Stoke – This isn’t really a suggested transfer in, as he is highest selected goalkeeper already.  More  a suggestion to play him over whoever else you have. I have missed out on both his two recent penalty saves as well as 28 points in three games.

Might be worth a pick.

.

Three to avoid:

1. Everton, Fulham, Stoke & Hull players – Not playing next week so bear that in mind when making transfers this week.

2. Essien & Mikel/Chelsea – The former is injured and then off to the African Nations Cup once he gets fit while the latter won’t do anything as his replacement.

3. Bullard/Hull – Out till the end of January.

Are you taking the mick?!

.

T.

What happens when you get knocked out of the Champions League group stages? Come third and you get to spend the spring travelling around far-flung places in the Europa League. Last season even the likes of Spurs and Aston Villa decided this was more hassle than it was worth so goodness knows how Liverpool will react when they have a go. Their future adventures forms this week’s Guardian Photoshop theme.

.

In the land of submarines, Captain Benítez and his crew sets sail to places unknown. Full speed ahead!

.

The rest of this week’s gallery is here.

.

T.

.

Archive.

That was the weekend that was…

.

1. So Man City powered their way to victory over Chelsea but it remains to be seen whether they just turn up for the big games. Mark Hughes will be glad to have won after seven straight draws especially as they had to come from behind to do it. I’m still dubious of the team spirit at Eastlands (any team with Adebayor in it can’t be that determined) but it was by far their best performance of the season.

Tevez looks like he’s finally contributing some goals but once more Given was the man who saved City’s skin with a penalty save from Frank Lampard. I think Hughes was chatting rubbish about the pressure Lampard was under (Compared to this? Really?) but Hughes chats a lot of rubbish a lot of the time.

In many ways the more focus on him the less focus on his under performing players, but the more his players under perform (this week aside) the more focus and scrutiny on Hughes.

.

2. Typical Arsenal to show that you can spend all week worrying about how to attack against Stoke’s pair of 6′2″ centre-backs when you have no big strikers fit, yet 5′7″ Andrei Arshavin shows he can do the job instead. The little Russian regularly reveals his desire to play centrally at Arsenal and his wish was finally granted against Stoke. He was instrumental in the 2-0 win and could have had a hat trick if his first touch hadn’t deserted him a couple of times.

It will be interesting to see how Wenger goes forward. With Bendtner back quite soon there could be a switch back to 4-4-2 with the Dane and the Russian up front. Or more likely the 4-3-3 will stick but with Bendtner resuming his wide role of earlier this season while Arshavin continues up front in the middle.

Brains not brawn.

.

3. Since their 9-1 demolition of Wigan, Spurs have gone on to draw their next two league games and also get knocked out of the Carling Cup. With at least one if not two Champions League places up for grabs due to the open nature of this season’s Premier League, Tottenham would do well to regain some consistency if they harbour dreams of filling one of the two spots.

When 2-0 up against a team with Everton’s injury problems, you should not be throwing that lead away. Even when given a chance to win it at the death, Jermaine Defoe contrived to miss a penalty (Keane wasn’t on the pitch). Points against Villa and Everton aren’t necessarily bad ones but it’s the manner in which they’ve been gained which will be of concern to Harry Redknapp. He of all people will know that a cushion needs to be built up ahead of the chasing teams. Especially when you consider at the business end of the season Tottenham have a three game consecutive run against Arsenal, Chelsea and Man Utd.

.

4. When exactly does Rafa Benitez plan to give Alberto Aquilani his league debut? Given that he has presumably been fit for at least a cameo since his Carling Cup debut against Arsenal on 28th October, it seems strange that he has yet to make a league appearance. Surely when you’re drawing against Blackburn and not playing well, it would be a good time to bring him on?

That bench must be getting warm.../

.

5. Bobby Zamora for England? I think not. He does get unfair press sometimes given that Emile Heskey is similarly a hard-working striker who can’t score for toffee yet is lauded as a World Cup certainty. However, Heskey has proven himself over 57 caps as a great partner for first Owen and now Rooney.

Zamora can chase lost causes all he wants but Capello will be choosing his World Cup forwards from a shortlist of: Rooney, Heskey, Defoe, Crouch, Bent, Agbonlahor and Cole. At least three players on that list can do everything Zamora does and more. The rest score goals, something the Fulham striker simply doesn’t do enough of.

"Shut your f-ing mouths!"

.

6. Another so-so Man United performance (though convincing in the end), another win. The masters of winning with the minimum of fuss. Zola meanwhile deserves time – the man has no money to spend and a squad full of injuries. Interestingly for a team with the defensive nous of Steve Clarke as assistant manager, West Ham haven’t kept a clean sheet since August.

.

T.

It’s been an absolute age since I updated Challenge Lawro. For those that can’t remember, we’re taking on ‘expert’ pundit Mark Lawrenson at the predictions game. Also playing is the Football Guy. 30 points for a perfect score, 10 for a correct result and -10 if you’re wrong. We made a good start but are now lagging behind. The shame…

.

Challenge Lawro Week 10 - Very bad.

Challenge Lawro Week 11 - Not bad not good.

Challenge Lawro Week 12 - Bad.

Challenge Lawro Week 12 - Alright actually.

Challenge Lawro Week 14 - Quite bad again.

Challenge Lawro Week 15 - Here's hoping...

.

For what it’s worth Sportboy P is slightly more responsible for our shitness as even though he gets less wrong and more right overall, I get more on the money.

.

Sportboy T:

Correct Results: 24 (240 points)

Perfect Scores: 8 (240 points)

Wrong results: 36 (-360 points)

Total: 120 points

.

Sportboy P:

Correct Results: 30 (300 points)

Perfect Scores: 4 (120 points)

Wrong results: 34 (-340 points)

Total: 80 points

.

T.

Gameweek 15 comes around and if it goes half as well as gameweek 14 did I’ll be most pleased. It was one of those occasions where pretty much all the big decisions went right. I had Rooney as captain, Drogba partnering him, my transfer Shaun Wright-Phillips scored ten points and I got two clean sheets from Birmingham players.

That’s not too say everyone was good – my other six players got just seven points between them. However the four that scored big allowed me to catch right up in my league with a  total score of 76 points. 

Gameweek 14 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Maverick approves of Shrek's best performance of the season.

A Wayne Rooney hat-trick and three bonus points got him 17 points and the highest score of the week. I picked him as captain so was doubly happy. There weren’t too many other double figure scores floating around. Chris Eagles was next with 16 for one goal, two assists and three bonus vs West Ham while Ryan Giggs scored his 100th Premier League goal and set up Rooney a couple of times for 15 points. 

Three Captain Picks: 

Liverpool, Man Utd and Chelsea are all away from home this weekend which makes me a little wary of picking any of their players as captain.

1. Fabregas or Arshavin/Arsenal – For all the talk of 100+ goals a few weeks ago, Arsenal have now failed to score in the league since Robin van Persie got injured. Admittedly they were difficult games at Sunderland and against Chelsea at home but it is a concern. I think they’ll hit the net on Saturday as for all their strength, Stoke are pretty poor away from the Britannia. None of the strikers available (Eduardo & Vela) are particularly inspiring right now so it’s left to either Fabregas or Arshavin to do the damage.

2. Lennon or Defoe/Spurs - With every passing week Everton seem to lose someone to injury. Their squad is really thin at the mo and is full of youngsters. Tottenham’s recent record against Everton is pretty good so either Lennon or Defoe are a fair shout to do something.

3. Agbonlahor/Aston Villa - Hull have picked up since Bullard has returned from injury but I think their mini run will end against Aston Villa. Agbonlahor has been in pretty consistent form this season and his space should cause plenty of problems for the Hull defence.

Get's a captain's tick.

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Chelsea defenders - Have quietly put together five straight clean sheets and will no doubt get many more before the season is out. Their back five is pretty pricey but Ivanovic can be had for £5.7m still while you could perhaps invest in Cech as one your keepers if you’re feeling extravagant.

2. Birmingham defenders – Can’t afford the Blues’ defenders then why not go for the Blues’ defenders instead. Yes, by slightly changing the shade of blue you go for, plenty of clean sheet points can still come your way at a price to match. Birmingham now have six clean sheets (behind Chelsea’s nine) for the season, and considering they never get thrashed when they do concede makes having at least two if not three of them very worthwhile.

3. Giggs/Man Utd - His two assists last week brought him up to nine for the season and while he does miss a game a month, he does enough in the others to warrant having. At £7.3m he’s a bargain and consistently produces in the tricky fixtures when Man Utd are off form.

Might be worth a pick.

Three To Avoid:

1. Man City players - They’ve officially reached unreliable status after their failure to beat Hull at home meaning seven successive draws. I apologise for suggesting to go with Adebayor as captain last week – that was about as successful as a Tiger Woods trying to get away with an affair. They are still worth having in your team (attacking players at least) but just don’t think of making them captain.

2. Collins/Aston Villa - Has missed the last three weeks and is still doubtful for this one. He was a good option for a while but is now worth getting rid of as he’s in that price bracket which neither cheap enough to save elsewhere nor expensive enough to guarantee points.

3. Stoke players – Specifically Fuller, Huth, Shawcross and Whelan who are all on four yellows thus likely to be missing a game sometime soon.

Are you taking the mick?!

T.

Wigan’s manager is the theme this week following their 9-1 drubbing at Tottenham. Not much you can do when short on time and internet access, hence the basic effort below. Something better next week, promise.

Someone had to make the bumbling Spanish waiter joke. Sorry.

More here.

T.

Archive.

That was the weekend that was.

1. Chelsea showed Arsenal what it takes to be champions elect yesterday with a lesson in how to blend skill with power. Up until the first goal Arsenal were in control without really doing anything, though Chelsea could have had a penalty for Sagna’s foul on Anelka. Then out of nothing Cole wasn’t closed down and a great cross came over for Drogba to finish clinically. The defending wasn’t the best. Sagna could have made a better attempt to prevent the cross from Cole and one of the centre backs could have cleared it but it was a great ball in.

A couple of minutes later an almost identical goal was scored. Cole again had time and space to put in a great ball from the left but this time it went in off Vermaelen who was expecting Gallas to clear it. Two quick goals before half time, game over. The second half was notable for Arshavin’s disallowed goal, Drogba’s free kick to wrap up the victory and nothing more.

The game showed exactly how far Arsenal have to go if they are to match Chelsea. Ancelotti’s team had height and strength all over the pitch as well as skill, overpowering Arsenal everywhere. Wenger was missing Van Persie, Bendtner and Diaby who all would have played in this game and perhaps made a difference. However you’d imagine that even with them on the pitch Chelsea would find have found a way to win.

For some reason there was a constant stream of hopeful crosses and medium length passes to the forward line of Arshavin, Nasri and Eduardo, who every time were beaten in the air by Terry & co. It changed a little in the second half but there were mainly lots of runs up blind alleys. Eduardo in particular looked well off the pace and badly needs a meaningful goal while Arshavin continued his peripheral form of this season. Walcott was poor when he came on and there are no true wingers at the clubs, instead lots of inside forward types.

I find it so hard to decide who I dislike more in this picture.

As for Drogba, Arsenal must be sick of him. Two great goals and an all action performance in tandem with Anelka. He now has 10 goals in 11 games vs Arsenal and has been directly the match winner six times.  I think Almunia should have done better with the third goal; his positioning was wrong (why move behind the wall?) and thus the ball was already in the net before he even reached with his dive.

Wenger can say the disallowed goal was pivotal but I disagree. As in the game against Man Utd, having all the possession is pointless if you can’t do anything with it. The reason why Chelsea and Man Utd have been the two top teams for the past few years is that they can soak up pressure and still win. Arsenal have yet to discover that method.

What you see and what you get.

2. Everton lost again and although there’s no shame in being beaten by Liverpool (actually…) you sense that perhaps Moyes has taken them as far as he can. That’s not to say he isn’t right for the job and the Scot has done wonders with the budget and constraints he has but maybe something needs freshening up.

Everton won’t reach the heights of the past few seasons and the constant long-term injuries to key players means a likely finish outside the top eight this year. With the Kirkby stadium plans rejected and no buyers for the club, the future looks a little uncertain at Goodison.

3. Is the clock ticking for Mark Hughes? Seven straight draws now. Funny how you can say they’re unbeaten in ten or without a win in seven. Hughes will no doubt slant to the former but I suspect the owners will be looking at the latter. Of the seven games (Villa A, Wigan A, Fulham H, Birmingham A, Burnley H, Liverpool A, Hull H), only Villa and Liverpool are truly tough games if you have real aspirations to be in the top four, and despite everything said otherwise that is the target. Somehow I don’t think Hughes will get a second attempt if he doesn’t achieve it this season in what is such an open year.

4. Hats off to Jimmy Bullard for the celebration of the season. In case you haven’t seen it, he gathered his teammates in a circle and mock scolded a la Tango Man last season. Ironically enough it was at the City of Manchester Stadium again. His return has been the main reason behind Hull’s resurgence and they may yet find themselves in a position like last where they weren’t very good but three teams were worse. He has brought a sense of fun back to the KC Stadium and fair play to Phil Brown for being able to see the funny side of Bullard’s celebration.

Genius.

5. One of those teams will be Wolves unless Mick McCarthy goes. It took a while but it’s now clear that either the players or the manager aren’t cut out for this level. Time for either to prove that’s not true.

6. Birmingham have been doing well of late. They have been hard to break down since the start of the season but Alex McLeish has realised that by adding an extra striker and playing 4-4-2 he is far more likely to rack up the points that will lead Birmingham to safety this season.

T.

Gameweek 14 reaches us as we start the middle third of the season. Week 13 saw few surprises though we did get the highest ever individual score. I made the error of having Fabregas as captain which I didn’t especially feel comfortable with but didn’t have many other options with Lampard and Drogba out injured, and Rooney out of form.

I did have David Dunn but didn’t fancy him due to two away games. In the event he proved me wrong. I regret not bringing in Bullard or Dempsey as I was looking at both pre-deadline. Sometimes it’s better to take the four point hit for the rewards it can bring. Don’t even get me started on having Thomas Sorensen’s 14 points left on the bench…

Gameweek 13 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

When I was looking back over the top scores from last week, I had a moment of panic when I thought there was a three-way 18 point tie for 1^st and I’d have to find another Top Gun character to join Maverick and Goose.

Then I remembered that someone called Jermain Defoe scored five goals against Wigan. Yes, the pint-sized striker scored a full handful of goals and picked up three bonus points. It might just be me but it almost feels like 25 points isn’t enough reward for such a feat. I guess that’s what happens with just four points for a striker’s goal. I’m sure the people who had him as captain weren’t complaining – 50 points was only two off my whole total for the week. Anyway, it’s the highest score ever from one game, even Ronaldo never got that.

As mentioned previously, following Defoe you had Dempsey Hunt and Lennon all with 18 points. The former two took advantage of playing twice while Lennon was the provider of three Defoe goals as well as getting one for himself in that 9-1 victory. A mention too for Michael Essien who scored 16 via two goals and his third man of the match award of the season.

Maverick should really be using all five hand digits to approve of Defoe's performance.

Three Captain Choices:

1. Adebayor/Man City – Every run has to come to an end and I think Man City might finally stop their run of six consecutive draws and beat Hull at home. Hull have picked up since Bullard’s return with two wins and a draw but they’re still leaky at the back while Adebayor scored his first goal in two months against Liverpool. He tends to feast on weaker defences, get bonus points when City play well and thus is a good shout for captain this weekend.

2. Drogba/Chelsea – The best defence faces the best attack this weekend as Chelsea face Arsenal at the Emirates on Sunday. Normally I wouldn’t suggest picking someone from this fixture but Drogba loves playing Arsenal and has terrorised them down the years. What scares me even more is that due to Gallas being doubtful, there’s a tiny, tiny chance we might see Big Phil Senderos make an appearance. I’m shuddering at the thought, Drogba owns him.

3. Rooney/Man Utd – Portsmouth at Fratton Park. Slightly trickier now that Pompey have Avram Grant newly installed but Rooney and Man Utd should still have more than enough to beat Portsmouth.

Gets a Captain's tick.

Three suggested transfers in:

1. Evra/Man Utd - The French left back has been putting together a good season and in his last few games has picked up and assist and three bonus points. Man Utd should be good for a clean sheet against Portsmouth and after that Man Utd face West Ham, Villa, Wolves and Fulham which should provide a few more opportunities.

2. Johnson or Dann/Birmingham - I’m sure many of you already Joe Hart in your team but why not add Roger Johnson or Scott Dann to your side too? The two centre backs were a newly formed partnership at the start of the season having both been signed from Championship clubs but have adapted to the Premier League well. Johnson is the pricier of the two and more likely to get bonus points but Dann is just £3.9m leaving you plenty of case for elsewhere.

3. Hunt/Hull - Some people’s form rating is skewed by one massive week whereas others are a bit more consistent. If Bullard is out of your price range then Stephen Hunt is a good option having scored five points or more in four of the last five gameweeks.

Might be worth a pick.

Three to avoid:

1. Everton players - They were woeful against Hull and have generally struggled this season. There have been bright spots like Baines and Saha but they have a tough three games (Liverpool, Spurs, Chelsea) coming up and then no fixture in week 17. Avoid for now.

2. Gibbs/Arsenal – Just as soon as he was becoming a cheap option while Clichy was out, he breaks a metatarsal and is now out for three months.

3. Owen/Man Utd - Just 24 points so far. The goal against Man City is literally the single good thing he’s done this season. Diouf, N’Gog and Ghilas all have more points. Having said that, what better opponent than Portsmouth to prove me wrong.

Are you taking the mick?

T.

This weekend sees the 2nd round of the FA Cup take place and it turns out that we will be following Luton after their victory in the last round versus Rochdale. The first game at Kenilworth Road saw Luton goe 3-0 up in just half an hour as they looked to impress new manager Richard Monley. Rochdale’s higher league status soon told though as they managed to claw it back with two Joe Thompson goals in the last three minutes. Final score Luton 3 – Rochdale 3. Heartbreak for Luton, but they lived to fight another day in the replay.

The replay was actually shown on TV and I managed to catch some of it. Rochdale were controlling the game but not really creating any clear-cut chances. Luton were happy to go into the break at 0-0. I got a bit bored truth be told and didn’t bother watching the second half but I later saw that Kevin Gallen, who was the main subject of the 1st round preview, went and scored twice to give Luton an excellent 2-0 victory.

I'm happy as I knocked out Rochdale.

In the 2nd round Luton will face Rotherham away, another team flying high in League Two. Rotherham did the double over Luton last season and got to this stage by beating non-league Wealdston 3-2 away from home. Since their replay Luton have had beaten Grays Athletic 2-0, drawn with Cambridge 2-2 (throwing away a 2-0 lead) before having a game with Mansfield the other day postponed due to a waterlogged pitch. If nothing they should be well rested having not played since last weekend.

Adam Le Fondre.

Rotherham lie third in League Two and are unbeaten at home this season. They’ve let in just three goals at the Don Valley athletics stadium (their temporary home), while in striker Adam Le Fondre, they have a player Luton should fear, given he has already scored 13 times this season.

Fortress Rotherham.

This looks like an altogther tougher task for Luton even though Rotherham are roughly on the same ability level as Rochdale. It remains to be seen whether Richard Money can keep his unbeaten start to life as Luton manager, and I’m sure he will be playing for a draw to take Rotherham back to Kenilworth Road. Once again a lot will depend on Kevin Gallen up front, who has the ability to cause problems for League Two defence. Luton will also have some more options in the squad as they have recently signed ex Man Utd keeper Kevin Pilkington on loan (who has gone straight into the 1st team) and a striker named Mark Nwokeji.

I can’t see Luton winning again but good luck to them this weekend.

T.

Haven’t you heard? Tuesday is the new Thursday in terms of weekly Photoshopping. I didn’t realise last week but from now we’ll be doing this on Tuesdays. This week the theme was Stephen Ireland. Then Thierry Henry decided to handball his way to becoming the worst human being in the history of mankind and thus the theme was changed by The Guardian.

I personally think it’s all a big much ado about nothing. Yes he cheated, but it hardly tarnishes a whole 16 year career. There’s been a distinct lack of perspective, and too many people in the media forgot that it was hardly a given that Ireland were going to World Cup. It was 1-1 on aggregate at the time after all. 

Also, as has been pointed out in many places, weren’t Ireland the beneficiaries of their own ridiculous handball decision in World Cup qualifying? Swings and roundabouts. Anyway, my internetless woes at home continue somewhat so it’s another simple entry this week.

What's all the fuss? Does no-one else remember Thierry winning the Golden Glove awards while at Arsenal?

The rest of this week’s gallery can be found here (some very funny stuff, especially the winner).

T.

Archive.

1. Amazing to think that you can score five goals in a game and there can still be a debate over whether you were man of the match. Aaron Lennon’s performance against Wigan ensured that Defoe didn’t come away with all the plaudits, his sparkling play from the right playing a big part in at least half the goals.

Defoe meanwhile became just the third player to score five in a game in the Premier League era and notched the second fastest hat trick after Robbie Fowler’s four and a half minute wonder against Arsenal many years ago. I’ve mentioned in recent weeks that he needed to watch his temper and just concentrate on his football, and with performances like that there’s no chance of him not going to South Africa. Lennon too did his case no harm, and on current form is far and away the best option when it comes to tricky small winger.

Spurs’ goal difference enjoyed a big boost in terms of chasing Arsenal, while they are beginning to take advantage of Man City, Liverpool and Aston Villa’s inconsistency to open a little gap over those three. They face one of their rivals next week in Aston Villa but should have nothing to fear the way they are playing.

As for Wigan the best you can say is that it’s just one game. These sorts of results can have a lasting effect, especially if you go behind in a game. It will be up to Roberto Martinez to ensure it remains a one off.

High five, we're going to South Africa!

2. Would Phil Brown be fearing for his job if Jimmy Bullard hadn’t got injured in his first game after signing? His performances in the last couple of games suggest that may have been the case. A win over Stoke and a fightback from two goals down to draw against West Ham possibly indicates an improvement in fortune for the men at the KC. Even Tango Man himself seems to be less in the spotlight than usual.

Bullard may have dodgy knees but he has an enthusiasm for the game that few players can match and his energy and creative play have got Hull scoring some goals again. They have a tough run coming up with three well organised teams in Everton, Man City and Aston Villa. Ok maybe not Man City but still! I’m pretty sure Geovanni isn’t injured and he appears to have lost his place to Bullard but I would be interested to see them both in the same team. Part of Hull’s success last year was to be brave, so maybe playing both together would have the same effect this year.

3. Before Arsenal get completely written off for losing against Sunderland (who have drawn with Man Utd and beaten Liverpool), let’s not forget that the key game is next week against Chelsea. Defeat would leave an 11 point gap; a win would leave it at just five with a game in hand. This defeat does render next weekend rather important if a title challenged is to be maintained. The lack of focal point without van Persie (and Bendtner) was a concern but it was in midfield where Sunderland won, with Cana stopping Fabregas and his teammates from creating many chances.

In addition to this, a set play was once again Arsenal’s outdoing at the back with Darren Bent reacting quickest after the initial ball had not been dealt with (déjà vu anyone?) While such defensive frailties are a long-term malaise, Arsene Wenger must ensure that his patched up squad is mentally right for the Chelsea game. Win it and two easier home games against Bolton and Stoke follow and momentum can be formed. Lose it and another frustrating season could be on the cards.

Pin the placenta on the van Persie.

4. They were impressive but it was only Wolves at home. Chelsea’s next two tests are the altogether tougher visits to the Emirates and Eastlands. Let’s see how the keenly the absences of Lampard and Drogba are felt then.

5. Liverpool and Man City played out a draw which leaves neither going anywhere fast. Man City have now drawn six on the spin which has stagnated them after a promising start. Just one win in eight games fro Mark Hughes’ side. A Hull side winless away from the KC provides the best possible opportunity to end that run next weekend.

Liverpool have one win in six but their habit of winning games they don’t lose (Saturday was just their second draw) means they’re still in a good position. The pretenders to the top four ideally want a gap going into the spring as if Gerrard and Torres are fit for the run in, I know who I’d back to get the last Champions League spot.

6. David Dunn is scored his fourth goal in six games and is playing the best football of his career. Someone left a comment asking what chance an England call for the Blackburn man. While I think he’s bit of a luxury and probably not quite international quality, there’s no doubting there are few more in form midfielders playing at the moment.

Quite good these days.

T.

After what’s seemed like an age since the last Premier League matches, we return to domestic action after the international break. Plenty to consider this gameweek as four teams play twice and a host of stars are injured. More on that later.

Last time round saw an above average score of 52 for myself but this was still quite far off the high score of 107. I was not helped by Drogba and Rooney predictably doing nothing in the big clash between Chelsea and Man Utd; while I also had 13 points marooned on the bench via Joe Hart and Scott Dann, who I hadn’t thought would do much vs Liverpool.

Our captain choices did well, with Fabregas having another big week while RVP and Adebayor also had fair contributions. If you had gone with the suggested transfer of Clint Dempsey, he would have scored you seven points too.

Gameweek 12 Top Gun (aka Tom Cruise Approves):

Maverick thinks John Terry is a fool, but his fantasy score last week was good.

Yep, John Terry was Gameweek 12’s Top Gun with the now ubiquitous defender’s score of 15 points for winning goal, clean sheet and three bonus points. The number of times this has happened is ridiculous but fair play if you’ve reaped the benefit.

But wait I hear you cry, there was someone else who also scored 15 points last week. Yes dear readers, for the first time this season we had a tie for highest score of the week. John Carew almost double his season’s score with a goal, two assists and three bonus points in Aston Villa’s 5-1 destruction of Bolton. This means Maverick needs some help in approving so what better person to have than his co-pilot Goose:

Goose approves of being involved in such silliness.

It was a struggle bringing him back from the dead, but through the powers of Google search and Photoshop I managed to do it. Maybe next time Iceman will muscle his way in on the show… Elsewhere Gomes saved a penalty to score 14 for Spurs while Wright-Phillips and Fabregas both got 13, the latter getting his fifth straight man of the match award.

On to this week.

Three Captain Choices:

With Torres and Drogba very doubtful and Van Persie and Lampard definitely out, the usual field of captain choices is substantially narrowed. In addition to that Hull, Blackburn, Fulham and Everton all play twice so it might be time for some leftfield thinking in terms of captain this week.

1. Bullard/Hull – Feeling brave? Quite the gamble this one but it could well pay off. Bullard is a good player but has been injured pretty much the whole time he’s been at Hull. He made a belated home debut last week and was the key figure in a win over Stoke scoring an assist and three bonus. Now one whole game isn’t much to go on but with Hull having two games at the KC Stadium, one against lowly West Ham you’d assume he would play a part in anything good Hull may do.

2. Anelka/Chelsea - With Drogba doubtful after Jonny Evans’ kung-fu kick to his ribs, and Fat Frank injured after attempting to sprint in England training, it leaves Nicolas Anelka as the most likely source of points for Chelsea this weekend. They face a home tie against Wolves which is as near to a gimme as you can get. I fully expect a comfortable home win with a goal or two from the Frenchman.

3. Fabregas/Arsenal - Fabregas is fast becoming the new Ronaldo of fantasy football. If in doubt for a captain choice, go with him. Sunderland away is the not the easiest place to go this season, but Arsenal have a good record there in recent years and should have enough to win, even without Robin van Persie.

Gets a Captain's tick.

Three Suggested Transfers In:

1. Eduardo/Arsenal - Now that Van Persie is out for several weeks, joining the already injured Bendtner, the onus falls on Eduardo to lead the line for the leading scorers in the team. He has had a very stop start season so far but has still got two goals and two assists in just over 300 minutes of action, which isn’t bad at all. With full fitness and a new contract in the back of his pocket, he should do well over the next couple of months.

2. Etherington/Stoke – He’s kind of slipped beneath my radar but is one of the form players of the last few weeks. In his last five games he has three assists and two goals as well as a few bonus points. Over the next four weeks, only Arsenal is a game which you would class as tough for Stoke.

3. Alexander/Burnley – His price has gone right up now but as long as Burnley keep getting penalties, he’s still worth it I’d say.

Might be worth a pick.

Three To Avoid:

1. Van Persie/Arsenal - Out for a couple of months in case it wasn’t already clear. Let’s hope he doesn’t rush back from injury like he has done in the past.

2. Benayoun/Liverpool - Has been in great from this season but has tweaked his hamstring. Also, knowing Rafa he’ll probably find a way to drop the Israeli now that Aquilani is approaching full fitness.

3. Bolton players – Bottom of the team stats with just 345 points between them.

Are you taking the mick?!

T.

It seems Photoshop Thursday has become Photoshop Tuesday without me realising hence I have no entry in this week’s Guardian gallery. Looks like it’s a permanent move so I’ll probably start posting this on Tuesdays too. The theme this week was England’s largely meaningless friendly against Brazil in Doha, Qatar. Here’s what I would have sent in. A bit random but  there  you go.

Fabio plays the Weakest Link and trims some of those rubbish players from his squad.

This week’s gallery is here.

T.

Archive.

­Way back in March I wrote a post that tried to predict England’s World Cup squad for next summer’s tournament in South Africa. In it around 50 or so players were analysed; everyone from certainties like Wayne Rooney to certainly nots like Curtis Davies. With the friendly against Brazil fresh in the mind and only one more international break before the end of the season, there isn’t much time for players to impress if they haven’t already. As before let’s work our way through who’s on the plane through to who won’t be going at all. .

Key men (if England are to reach their usual quarter final):

First name in the squad is the captain John Terry simply as he’s captain. I personally think he gets found against the very best strikers but there’s no chance of him not going. He’s swiftly followed by Wayne Rooney, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard. Rio Ferdinand goes as long as he’s fit, though it’s a concern if he doesn’t make it simply as playing style wise he’s harder to replace than Terry – England don’t have a lot of ball playing centre backs but do have a lot of one paced ones.

Gareth Barry is defensive midfielder of choice though may be usurped by a fit again Owen Hargreaves. They’ll both be on the plane however. Ashley Cole and Glen Johnson are the first choice full backs and are far ahead of their immediate competition. 

Thinking...

On the plane (extra leg room provided):

David Beckham has sorted another loan spell at AC Milan and I’m positive he’ll be going to his 4^th World Cup. He’s very much a bench player these days but still offers great set piece ability as well as experience. Emile Heskey has not been in great form and is no longer in Aston Villa’s starting XI but that said he will still be on the plane. He won’t score but he makes Rooney et al play better so for that reason is picked.

David James is first choice keeper, and despite his age should be able to handle that number of games in a month. Theo Walcott has had a succession of injuries but has done enough in the games he’s played to go as a wide man who can play up front. His pace is a big asset, plus he strikes me as someone who does what he’s told hence Capello likes him.

Matthew Upson and Jermaine Defoe should go as first back-up centre back and striker respectively. Neither are going to win you a World Cup final but they’re the best reserves in their position. Defoe just needs to watch his petulance slightly as there’s no point having a player who is going to miss games after needless red cards..

Looking for their passport (they are going out of Europe after all):

Joe Cole should be a little worried, just as he hasn’t found a way into the Chelsea team after injury, but at the same time he offers dribbling ability and creativity that not many can match. I was quite down on James Milner in my last prediction but did say he had a shot of making it. He seems to be impressing Capello right now and can play in a few positions. I do wonder whether he ultimately misses out due to the competition on the right side, though he has been playing down the left for England so you never know.

Aaron Lennon will be there or thereabouts, possibly in a straight battle with Milner for a spot. Rob Green looks like he’s firmly established as England’s number two while Wes Brown’s versatility of being a right back and centre back should mean he finds his way into the squad. 

Still thinking...

On the fringes (which bits are chopped?):

Wayne Bridge is doing his best to play his way out of the squad. You could argue about whether you really need to take a reserve left back, especially when the likes of Gareth Barry could play there if needed. Barring injury, the first choice defence are going to play every game so specialist reserve left back may be an area to gamble on not taking.

Of the other alternatives Capello has picked during his tenure, Leighton Baines and Steven Warnock don’t strike me as being quite good enough. If Joleon Lescott goes he provides left back cover too but he is quite shaky defensively so I don’t think he does. There is dearth of centre backs though. What price Kieran Gibbs continuing his rapid progress and staking a claim? Of all those players, he’ll be the only one playing Champions League football but a lot depends on whether he can keep Gael Clichy out of the Arsenal side once the Frenchman returns from injury. He appears to have just injured himself too.

I reckon Michael Carrick probably only goes if Barry or Hargreaves are injured and even then he’s shown countless times for Man Utd that he’s not a big game player. Gabriel Agbonlahor offers pace and will find himself with Peter Crouch, Carlton Cole and Darren Bent in the queue for the 4^th striker spot.

Capello has only ever picked seven strikers so it would be a surprise to see him take five of them, not least when Walcott can play up front. Of the four I would say that the Sunderland man had his chance against Brazil and didn’t take it. I think Agbonlahor doesn’t give enough variety when compare to the others – with a 4^th striker you want someone who offers something unique.

In that regard I’d say it will be a close run thing between Crouch and Cole.The former has a good international record (against crap teams at least) and is very tall (though not that good in the air) while the latter is a more complete striker who has pace, power and can play the target man role too. It’s a tough choice to be honest and I think Cole may need to break his international duck in the next round of fixtures if he’s to pip Crouch.

Ashley Young may find himself as number 24 on the list of players though personally I would find a space for him. It does seem like Capello isn’t quite sure of him yet. There aren’t too many options down the left but it does seem like either him or Milner would go but not both.

Still not quite sure...

Too late to make it? (need good form and injuries to others):

Stewart Downing has upgraded clubs but has six months to shine at Aston Villa following serious injury. The same probably goes for Phil Jagielka at Everton. Tom Huddlestone got his first call up against Brazil and while he’s decent player, he’s not yet international standard. Jimmy Bullard? Unlikely but you never know. I see him being a good pundit though. Scott Parker has a very outside chance of being one of the back-up central midfielders; he’s certainly no worse than Carrick in my opinion.

Ben Foster? Joe Hart? Chris Kirkland? Take your pick for the third goalkeeping spot. I doubt it will be the latter though.Of other players we mentioned last time Jack Wilshere isn’t yet getting regular games at Arsenal while Jonathan Woodgate is permanently injured. Dean Ashton has essentially retired.

However Gary Cahill has played well enough at Bolton to come on to the radar as 4^th centre back and has a chance of going if Capello takes eight defenders. Everton’s Jack Rodwell could be a dark horse but I think it is one tournament too soon for him. The same goes for some of the West Ham youngsters like Mark Noble and Jack Collison.

Now thinking "Why are they so useless?"

 .

Providing ITV analysis (or BBC if they’re good):

I had Shaun Wright-Phillips as going six months ago but now I think he misses out as you have Lennon, Walcott and Beckham providing all you need down the right (dribbling/goals/crossing). SWP can do all three but not as well and his poor performance against Brazil has sealed a seat next to Papa Wrighty on the studio sofa.

Jermaine Jenas is another who isn’t particularly defensive or attacking. World Cup squad players need be specialists once you get beyond the first team, there’s no room for these jack of all trades types who provide little. Michael Owen has yet to be picked by Capello and barring injuries to four of the seven strikers we mentioned will not be going to South Africa.

Micah Richards needs to get back in the Man City team before he can think about England – it’s all gone a bit pear shaped for him hasn’t it? He hasn’t been picked in a year; Capello just doesn’t like his terrible positional play. Scott Carson had a shot at being third choice keeper but he won’t be going and neither will Paul Robinson, who you could roll the ball to very slowly from 30 yards and he’d still find a way to let it in.

Sadly, Ledley King can barely handle three games in a month, let alone seven. He would 100% go if he could. David Bentley, Kevin Davies, Anton Ferdinand, Gary Neville – no, no, no and no.

The closest Owen has ever and will ever get to being in Capello's plans.

 .

Possible squad:

James, Green, Foster.

Terry, Ferdinand, A. Cole, Johnson, Upson, Brown, Lescott. 

Gerrard, Lampard, Barry, Hargreaves, Milner, Beckham, Lennon, J. Cole.

Rooney, Heskey, Defoe, C. Cole, Walcott.

.

The three keepers speak for themselves as do the first four defenders. Versatility is the name of the game so to complement Upson you have two centre backs in Brown and Lescott that can cover the two full back slots.

In midfield you have the three main men plus a fit again Hargreaves. Beckham goes for his experience while Lennon and Joe Cole provide the skill and trickery on either wing from the bench.Milner offers the most versatility of the remaining midfield options so gets the eighth spot.

Up front Rooney is a given, as is Heskey due to their partnership. Defoe is the main back up and I think Carlton Cole will play his way into the squad, pipping Peter Crouch whose record of scoring against bad teams is of no use when you only have good teams in the World Cup. Theo Walcott rounds off the squad as a foward player who can play right wing or as striker.

At most risk is Lescott I’d say and possibly Milner too. You may want more cover in central midfield and down the left so perhaps Carrick and Bridge or Gibbs (who could also play left wing) end up going instead.

T.

Quite  a funny topic this week, following the revelation that Newcastle United have sold the naming rights to St. James’ Park and for the rest of the season will be playing at the sportsdirect.com@St. James’ Park stadium. Catchy isn’t it?!

I don’t especially have a problem with naming rights (how could I as an Arsenal supporter) but I think you should go either the whole way or not at all. Either call it the sportsdirect.com stadium or stick with St James’ Park. Don’t try and force it all into one joint effort. Can you imagine the Emirates@Ashburton Grove or Aon Insurance@Old Trafford. Doesn’t work does it. Typical Newcastle though, always doing things cack-handedly.

Anyway, in terms of this week’s entry, my lack of internet meant I had to do it in Paint and Word at work. I got the opportunity to redo it below but you can see the original rubbish version on the Guardian site, not that this one is that much better. Jack is Jackie Milburn, 2nd highest Newcastle goalscorer btw.

Put sportsdirect.com@St James' Park into an anagrammer and you get this. I would think that a very dyslexic signwriter might come up with something similar.

This week’s gallery can be found here.

T.

Archive.

A quick one today as I’m writing this at work as I don’t yet have internet access in my new flat (posts maybe a bit sporadic for the next week or two).

1. It’s interesting to see Arsenal’s attack being lauded after 36 goals in just 11 games but it’s premature to think they’ll definitely break 100 goals. All their home games bar Spurs have been against sides in the bottom eight while it was the first time since the 6-1 against Everton on the opening day that they’d scored more than two away.

That said, they have been pretty awesome and you can only beat what’s put in front of you. The 4-3-3 formation suits Fabregas down to a tee and he already has nearly as many assists as last year as well as the small matter of nine goals in all competitions. Sunderland away is next but the real test comes in three weeks when Chelsea come to the Emirates. The best attack vs the best defence; something will have to give.

2. Surely if you’re 2-0 down in a game you’ll take a draw at the end of it. I jest slightly but Man City once again showed defensive frailty against Burnley and the current back four does not seem up to scratch if City are to be pushing for a Champions League spot. They may have only lost once but drawing all the time is not a recipe for success (just ask Liverpool last season). In the last five drawn games they could have instead won two and lost three but still been better off. Needing time to gel isn’t a good excuse.

3. It’s still only a matter of time before the Tango Man gets the chop at Hull. Jimmy Bullard was inspirational in his home debut (ten months after signing) but Stoke were doing fine until Faye got himself sent off. As luck would have it Hull have two more home games coming up against West Ham and Everton and I’d hazard a guess that if he loses both he’ll be out of a job.

Phil Brown

4. Man Utd were probably marginally the better team but Chelsea still found a way to win the game. That’s usually the mark of champions elect. A five point gap is not insurmountable at this stage of the season but if you take the big four clashes as the main opportunity to make up ground/build a lead, then Man Utd’s habit of losing them (just two wins from nine this season and last) makes life all the more difficult for themselves in terms of catching up.

5. I imagine missing a penalty wasn’t in Darren Bent’s list of ways to show Harry Redknapp the error of this ways.

6. Is the Premier League turning into a three-way race for the title and a four-way race for 4th place? Of Aston Villa, Liverpool, Tottenham and Man City the latter have the biggest squads but the former two have more experience of being involved in such a race. Villa were very good against a terrible Bolton team and might be better placed this season when they’re having to chase a 4th spot rather than lead from the front and collapse like last year. 

T.