Everton vs Liverpool Minute by Minute!

by

Join us for live minute by minute action of the FA Cup fourth round replay between Everton and Liverpool.*

Kick off is at 8.10pm.

*Or five minute by five minute coverage if it’s well boring, which lets face it, it may well be.

 

Pre-amble:

The two teams have drawn 1-1 once and then twice in recent weeks and meet again tonight, but this time at Goodison Park. Having sold Keane, Liverpool are down to one good striker in Torres (or remain at one, depending on your point of view). Having sent Anichibe home for dropping the F-bomb on Moyes, Everton are once again down to no strikers.

Teams:

Everton: Howard, Hibbert, Jagielka, Lescott, Baines, Osman, Fellaini, Neville, Arteta, Pienaar, Cahill. 

Subs: Nash, Yobo, Van der Meyde, Castillo, Jacobsen, Rodwell, Gosling.

Liverpool: Reina, Dossena, Carragher, Skrtel, Arbeloa, Kuyt, Alonso, Gerrard, Leiva Lucas, Riera, Torres. 

Subs: Cavalieri, Hyypia, Agger, Benayoun, Babel, Mascherano, El Zhar.

 

Andy Townsend is the sole ITV guest. We’ll just skip to the end with what he has to say. Lots of talk about a fifth round replay in 1991 which produced a 4-4 draw and caused Kenny Dalglish to resign. “There may be another classic here tonight.” I guarantee this match will not finish 4-4. I can’t even find odds for that score but if you like to lose your money you can probably get about 100/1.

This is Dalglish stressed. And happy. And angry.

This is Dalglish stressed. And happy. And angry.

 

1 min: Liverpool kick off. Tyldesley and Beglin commentate.

3 mins: Pienear works his way down the left but gets crowded out by several Liverpool players and it’s eventually cleared.

4 mins: Bit of  a late challenge on Dossena by Osman. Alan Wiley has a word but nothing more. Gerrard’s crossed free kick comes to nothing.

5 mins: Liverpool are wearing black armbands in honour of their announcer who died on Monday.

6 mins: Torres win a corner off Lescott who follows through on him and leaves him limping slightly. It would be quite funny if El Nino got injured. Not for him obviously but for Rafa and everyone else.

7 mins: The corner initially comes to nothing but then Alonso gets the ball outside the box and pings a low 30 yarder just wide.

8 mins: Villa already two up on Doncaster and Sunderland lead Blackburn. Riera volleys off target.

10 mins: Would Angela Someoneorother or Jordy Whatshisname contact their nearest steward. That was a very loud announcement.

12 mins: Hansen and Dalglish sit in the crowd. As is always the case with teams who play each other lots in quick succession, the teams know each other inside out meaning it’s quite a measured game so far. Liverpool probably have more possession.

15 mins: Benayoun is warming up… It appears to be Gerrard struggling though not Torres. Liverpool fans should be concerned.

16 mins: A massive roar goes around Goodison. Gerrard off, Benayoun on. Fergie delighted.

Happy Fergie

Happy Fergie

18 mins: Fellaini fouls Alonso but despite a long lecture escapes a booking.

19 mins: Cahill challenges Carragher. Suspicion of an elbow as they rose. Cahill looked and lent in. He knew what he was doing and gets booked for his troubles. It’s just beginning to get feisty.

21 mins: Carragher now has every touch booed. To be fair it was his teammates making a big deal of it not him. Riera late on someone, no booking.

22 mins: Torres late in on Lescott, again just a free kick. 

24 mins: Arteta spreads the play and Hibbert’s cross is punched away by Reina. Kuyt gives away a free kick.

25 mins: Arteta’s free kick cleared by Lucas. Osman then has a half chance on the volley but it goes over. Gerrard has a hamstring problem apparently.

27 mins: Dossena and Hibbert are involved in a slow motion sprint to the ball. Hibbert is the wrong side of him and Dossena just kind of falls over and wins a free kick.

28 mins: Alonso’s delivery is woeful.

29 mins: All sorts of action in the Liverpool area. Bit of a scramble and then Cahill goes down while trying to shoot. Arteta dinks it to Baines (I think) who then wins a free kick outside the box on the left by stepping past Arbeloa who just sticks his leg out. Arteta drives the free kick straight at the first defender. 

31 mins: Couple of Riera shots go straight at someone.

32 mins: It’s calmed down for about 30 seconds. I smell red cards in this game though.

34 mins: Carragher blocks an Arteta shot. 

35 mins: Arteta tackles Dossena as he gallops down the left wing. The Italian moans about it in that classically Italian way, all arms and gestures.

36 mins: Torres involved in another little niggle, this time with Phil Neville. 

37 mins: Pienaar mistimes a challenge on Lucas. No foul but Everton give it back to Liverpool when play resumes.

40 mins: Dossena crosses well once, the ball gets worked back to him and second time round it goes straight in the crowd. Italy’s first choice left back apparently. How I’ll never know.

42 mins: Fellaini gives Skrtel a little dig in the back of the leg as the ball goes out. Wiley again lets it go.

43 mins: Pienaar catches Lucas again. He’s late and stamps on top of his foot and is finally booked. He has the temerity to moan about it too.

45 mins: Pienaar goes down with a hamstring problem. He might not make it out for the second half. Tyldesley makes a good point about why players get them in such games. He seems to be walking it off though.

47 mins: Liverpool win a corner right at the end of the half… Comes to nothing.

Half time: Well that was erm, interesting. A dull half to watch in terms of chances (precisely none) saved only by a few flashpoints and fouls, only a couple of which have been punished. Andy Townsend sympathises with the game of course. I’m sorry but it was pretty bad to watch. Bruce Grobbelaar reckons it will go all the way to penalties. I reckon if Bruce Grobbelaar was playing, I’m sure he could ensure it didn’t. Anyway, let’s try and make it through the second half…

He can sort you out...

He can sort you out...

46 mins: Everton kick off the second half. Please can we have a goal. I really don’t want extra-time.

47 mins: Torres has been in a mood all game. Everything is annoying him. Meanwhile people are throwing socks on to pitch. No me neither.

48 mins: The Neviller is late on Alonso and is booked. There’s something about Alonso in this game and on Sunday against Chelsea. He’s been acting very petulant and making meals of every challenge. Good player but I can see why he’s getting tackled like he is. Liverpool fans are told in no uncertain terms to sit down by a female announcer.

49 mins: Lucas booked.

50 mins: Jagielka easily deals with Torres and a ball down the line. Torres is struggling a bit tonight.

52 mins: Gosling on for Fellaini. He’s a central midfielder. This is so boring. I could be watching Grand Designs, something called New Tricks on BBC1 or a programme about Terry Pratchett and Alzheimer’s. Instead I’m trying to make a minute by minute on the niggliest, chance free game I’ve seen in ages interesting.

56 mins: Cahill tries a long range half volley which goes wide. Reina had slipped but it was mile off target.

58 mins: “And it goes to Dossena, who can cross the ball…” Needless to say the next thing that happened was a piss-poor cross behind any attacking players and posing no danger at all.

59 mins: Alonso free kick finds Torres but the ball was out before he could head it back across. Random things still raining down on to the pitch.

60 mins: Lots of socks. I don’t get the reference. 17 year old Jack Rodwell comes on for Pienaar.

That'll be the famous Scouse humour...

That'll be the famous Scouse humour...

62 mins: Woah was that a chance? I think it was. The ball is thread through by Alonso to Riera who is racing Howard to it. He reaches it first but his shot is blocked by the keeper. Torres sort of pulled up during all that.

65 mins: Nothing really happening.

68 mins: Torres tries to make space for a shot but it lacks sting. A follow up is wasted by a heavy touch.

70 mins: Tyldesley and Beglin admit that it’s unlikely the game will end 4-4. I take one goal at this stage, let alone eight.

71 mins: Everton hit the post! The best chance of the game falls to Osman who smacks a half volley against the post. Alonso lost the ball in midfield and then Cahill lays the ball to Osman in the box but he can’t take advantage. Should have scored, but I probably would say that. Arteta then got booked.

73 mins: Aston Villa have once again made it nervy against lower opposition but are through 3-1. Derby meanwhile came from 2-0 down to beat Nottingham Forest 3-2 away. Nigel Clough faces Fergie’s United in the next round. That will be your TV match for sure.

76 mins: RED CARD! Lucas Leiva gets booked again and thus sent off. A needless foul on Lescott in the middle of the pitch means he has to go. Right in the centre circle, there was really no need to go in like that.

77 mins: Monster Mascherano prepares to come on. I reckon it could be for Torres.

79 mins: Everton enjoying all the possession now but yet to do something with it.

80 mins: Mascherano comes on but it’s for Albert Riera.

82 mins: Everton win a corner. Ten minutes to avoid extra time. Lescott and Cahill look up to something. Arteta plays it short and then drives in the return ball. It’s dangerous but goes through everyone and is cleared.

83 mins: Rodwell has all the time in the world to size up a shot but skies it.

86 mins: A useful cross Rodwell is played into the Liverpool box but it’s just behind Cahill. Neville and Torres then clash in the centre circle and Torres stays down. Everton want to play on but eventually put it out. Torres gets up. Torres is booed.

89 mins: Alonso fouls Hibbert and is booked. He only brushed behind him but was deliberately stopping a counter attack.

90 mins: Arteta floats the resulting free kick straight to Reina. Four minutes of added time.

91 mins: Kuyt wins a corner. Please score, I don’t think I can handle another 30 minutes of this dross. First corner headedd out. Second corner cleared. Grrr…

94 mins: Everton corner. Last chance of the game. Cahill gets to it but it’s headed away. It then comes in again and Cahill tries to set himself up for a volley. Carragher clears, final whistle blows.

Full time: Everton 0-0 Liverpool. Wonderful. What an amazing game. Let’s enjoy the next 30 minutes. It’ll be like a third of the game being replayed. The only salvation in all this is that we’ll get a penalty shootout. Time to make a quick cup of tea.

I'm so bored with this stuped game.

I'm so bored with this stupid game.

Extra-time: 

91 mins: Everton kick off the first half of extra time. No changes. Torres tries to go on a run but loses it. He’s not even bothering trying to close people down. Something is definitely being nursed.

92 mins: Baines send a low cross in from the left which thanks to Carragher just evades a sliding Cahill.

93 mins: In case you’re wondering (I know you’re not), Blacburn and Sunderland are also in extra time. They at least have had two goals to cheer.

94 mins: Mascherano fouls Arteta. Free kick. It’s played short and rolled to Osman in the area who turns but can’t get any power on his shot.

95 mins: Liverpool are playing for penalties, no question. A man down and their best player on the pitch is barely walking.

97 mins: Mascherano misses an interception allowing Osman to shoot. Reina palms it to a onrushing Gosling but the shot is well blocked by the Spaniard. Cahill gets his head on the corner and it goes just wide.

98 mins: Everton are having a real go, as well they might being at home with a man advantage. They’re camped in Liverpool’s half.

100 mins: Hibbert is at the byline but his cross is over everyone.

101 mins: Torres trudges off to replaced by Ryan Babel. He looks knackered and may well have a knock. Babel will push Everton back a bit as he can actually close people down.

102 mins: He wins a corner straight away. Kuyt helps it on but it goes straight to Timmy Howard.

105 mins: Liverpool give away a free kick 30 yards  out. Arteta sizes it up. It deflects off the wall for a corner. Reina was not entirely covering it. The corner is cleared.

Halftime: All Everton but they still search for the decisive goal. I would slightly favour Liverpool if it went to penalties I think.

106 mins: Quick change of ends. Liverpool kick off.

107 mins: Andy van der Meyde comes on for about the first time in 18 months (literally). He replaces Phil Neville. He looks, how shall we put this, a bit Frank Lampard around the waist area. 

108 mins: What is about linesmen that they always look so dishevelled and as if they just found some bloke down the pub?

109 mins: Liverpool have only ever lost one of the eleven penalty shoot outs they have contested in their history.

110 mins: Babel wins a free kick. He’s look lively since coming on. Alonso overhits it, again.

111 mins: Can we just fast forward the ten minutes please. Blackburn scored a winner four minutes from time through Benni McCarthy. They’re through to play someone or other.

113 mins: Hibbert booked for fouling Alonso who during this game I’ve grown an irrational dislike for.

114 mins: A deep Alonso free kick actually reaches a teammate for once. Benayoun wins a corner. It’s swung in again by Chavvy Alonso but it’s cleared for another corner but from the other side. Alonso takes again, foul given to Everton, I just lost 90 seconds of my life.

117 mins: Jagielka gets the Man of the Match. I don’t care enough to disagree. 

118 mins: We lose ITV pictures. Brilliant. It goes to ad breaks. What’s going on?!

119 mins: GOAL! Everton 1-0 Liverpool! That’s just bizarre. We return to ITV pictures showing Everton players jumping on each other. We missed a bloody goal! Typical! The replay showed van der Meyde play it in to Gosling in the box. He’s surrounded by about three defenders but showed quick feet to make enough space to get a shot away. He curls it past the outstretched Reina. A slight deflection off Skrtel perhaps but a nice goal all the same.

120 mins: I still can’t get over how we had to sit through two hours of turd and then ITV screw up and we miss the goal. This why people say they shouldn’t show football. 

Full time: Everton 1-0 Liverpool. Steve Rider apologises to those who missed it – erm, that’ll be everyone then. No one really deserved to win, it was a dire match. Everton made their man advantage pay in the end though and are through to play Aston Villa at home. ITV are absolute amateurish mugs, someone will be getting the sack in the morning. It’s like me trying to make a point about -SORRY AD BREAK, BE RIGHT BACK- and yeah so that’s why I think Liverpool didn’t win. Stuff the full time analysis. Thanks for reading.

A genuine photo of my ITV picture five minutes after the programme ended.

A genuine photo of my ITV picture five minutes after the programme ended.

 

T.

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2 Responses to “Everton vs Liverpool Minute by Minute!”

  1. Fooball Guy Says:

    That’s hooey and applesauce! Your TV pic should have looked like this = http://www.mediacollege.com/video/test-patterns/television/bbc-f1997.jpg

    But on a serious note, if the picture had just cut out I could understand. It was the fact it went to a couple of adverts which pisses me off!!!!

    Are ITV in some serious financial problems but want to save face so have resorted to selling ad space in crucial moments of Football games without telling us???

    I really wish I had used this rant for my own site!!!!

  2. thesportboys Says:

    I did get just the ITV logo for a bit, and then I took a photo of the picture above. Apparently they were on time delay in extra time hence the screw up.

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